About Me

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Bahrain, Manama, Bahrain
I m Nirmal..A software Engineer working with TCS.. apart from my office work.. i like to write poems,shayaries also..Here i will share my own poems.. No matter you know me or not. You can comment on my poems.. because for me no one is stranger..

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Why I feel I'm Alone

Hello Frnds, Here I am sharing a Poem ofcourse written by me This is my first peom in english I dont know how it is but i am sharing it to you all .And waiting for ur critic comments

About Poem: U know some time we feel that we are alone n no one with us.May be for personal/professional reason we dont feel happy . Here I m trying to write this particular feelings in my way. Hopefully u would feel it.


So here it is:


Why I feel I'm Alone


All my will has gone,
In this rush world, why I feel I’m alone


I have lost my faith,
Despite of my breath, why I feel life has become death


It’s good to have money,
 It’s good to taste honey, but why I feel my fate made me funny


 Life is short, good relations are few,
I must say just forget n forgive
But why I feel it can’t be achieve


I’m not what I’m any more,
Certainly life is sweet, but why I feel it has changed into sour

My priority has changed,
My own decisions are not being made,
Despite of having own mind, why I feel I became a puppet


 I can’t do, what I want to do,
O god! Why this much ado?
Why I feel, for any fault there is no undo.


The whole milky night is mine,
In a cozy bed with four foamy pillow,
Why I feel, that I am not fine..


I neither have exam nor have any test,
Still could not sleep can’t take rest,
In this luxurious flat, why I can’t find my nest .


All my will has gone,
In this rush world, why I feel I’m alone.




Waiting for Comments
Nirmal




37 comments:

  1. bhai teri poem padhi.....padh ke laga ki tu sahi men bahut akela hai....main tughe ek salah deta hun free men...SHADI KAR LE...
    .eske 2 fayde honge.....

    #1#...tera akelapan doooooor ho jayega
    #2#...kuchh din bad bolega ki....akele hi achha tha.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Maja aa gaya .........pahale to teri poem padke .............and 2sri teri site dekh ke .....
    Keep it up ...........

    ReplyDelete
  3. chal akhir tune blog bana hi li...

    good!!!

    but UI thoda change kar...

    Atleast bkgrnd to change kar hi de...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi,

    No words to express ..............It is such a good poem..beyond my expectation..
    Tussi gr8 ho....:-)
    Really nice poem
    Keep writing.........All the vry best.
    --By Deeptimayee(My Frnd)

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  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  6. Hi,

    No words to express ..............It is such a good poem..beyond my expectation..
    Tussi gr8 ho....:-)
    Really nice poem
    Keep writing.........All the vry best.
    -- By Deeptimayee(My Frnd)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi Nirmal,

    Really Nice poem.

    We all have the same feelings but
    YOU put these in words..

    Thanks & keep writing....

    Why don't you post it on your BLOG????
    ---by Hemant(My Frnd)

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  8. Dear Sir,
    I t was wonderful for me after knowing that u write poems also apart from ur busy life. I It is good u express your faith in potential power of poetry.Really beautiful poem and u too. And good poetry really can change the world.


    Keep going sir..........
    tk cr bye
    ---by Satya(Junior cum frnd)

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  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  10. Hi,

    No words to express ..............It is such a good poem..beyond my expectation..
    Tussi gr8 ho....:-)
    Really nice poem
    Keep writing.........All the vry best.
    --By Deeptimayee(My Frnd)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi Nirmal,

    Really Nice poem.

    We all have the same feelings but
    YOU put these in words..

    Thanks & keep writing....

    Why don't you post it on your BLOG????
    ---by Hemant(My Frnd)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dear Sir,
    I t was wonderful for me after knowing that u write poems also apart from ur busy life. I It is good u express your faith in potential power of poetry.Really beautiful poem and u too. And good poetry really can change the world.


    Keep going sir..........
    tk cr bye
    ---by Satya(Junior Cum frnd)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hey Neelu,

    Its very nice and spontaneous peom, it was a true one and seems 100% in our nowadays life,
    Hemath gave a good idea indeed, you should go ahead with that , I am looking a chetan bhagat but the only difference is its peom but impressive.

    best wishes for your next poem, dont forget me to include in these kinda emails.
    --By Sushant(My Frnd)

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  14. abey Aamir khusro & Gaalib ke kabr par diye mat jala....
    dono mein se koi uthh gaya to bolega,

    "Mulla ham to fannah ho gaye
    karte karte kaagaj kaale,
    humko sone de aaramm se kabr mein,
    mat jala diye, uthh gaye to bohot maarenge saaley"
    by Shailendra(My frnd)

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  15. Brilliant effort mate :)
    Keep penning more and posting.


    I edit TechM internal portal and coz of my bad habit have edited your poem a lil bit... Hope you don't mind....
    Dont use rhyming all the time... try concentrating on the feelings that you want to portray before you put words to rhyme....
    -- by Siddharth Verma(My frnd as well as a good poet)

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  16. A Good Effort.

    The Poem was able to carry the message. "Loud and Clear" i should say.

    Keep Writing.
    Abhinav(My college Senior)

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  17. Hi sir...

    Very nice poem sir..
    Somewhere we all are sailing on the same boat. So dnt feel alone..We are with you.
    --by Sangeeta(Junior cum frnd)

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  18. nirmal uncle isiliye kaha gaya hain ki get shaaadi kar lo................

    hame dekho kabhi akelapan lagta hi nahi..... he he h e
    By Ajay Verma(Frnd)

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  19. nirmal maine poem padhi.....

    dil ko chhu gayi yar............

    waise ajay ne bhi bahut khoob kaha hai...... ha ha ha
    by Harun(frnd)

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  20. Why I feel I'm Alone _____________ "COMMENTS IN RED"

    All my will has gone, (KAHAN ?)
    In this rush world, why I feel I’m alone. ( Kyuki Bachelor Hai .)



    I have lost my faith, KYU ?
    Despite of my breath, why I feel life has become death.
    (Koi Dhokha Di Kya .)



    It’s good to have money, ACCHA ! Nahi Pata Tha !
    It’s good to taste honey, but why I feel my fate made me funny.
    ( Feelings ka bahut locha hai Bhaiii....)


    Life is short, good relations are few, ( Average life 60-65 saal,kam nhi hai )
    I must say just forget n forgive. ( Good Relation few - Agreed)
    But why I feel it can’t be achieve ( Forget-Possible,Forgive-Difficult but both are Achievable)



    I’m not what I’m any more, KYA !
    Certainly life is sweet, but why I feel it has changed into sour.
    (Taste Bud Ka Problem Hai)



    My priority has changed,
    My own decisions are not being made,
    Despite of having own mind, why I feel I became a puppet.
    (Kya baat kar raha hai!)




    I can’t do, what I want to do, (Gambhir Samasya hai)
    O god! Why this much ado?
    Why I feel, for any fault there is no undo.





    The whole milky night is mine,(Kisne Tere Naam Kiya Aur KAB)
    In a cozy bed with four foamy pillow,
    Why I feel, that I am not fine.(Consult a Doctor)



    I neither have exam nor have any test, (School, College Se Kab Bahar Nilklega)
    Still could not sleep can’t take rest, (INSOMNIAC)
    In this luxurious flat, why I can’t find my nest. (Kabotar Hai Jo Flat Hote Hue Bhi Nest Chahiye)



    All my will has gone, (Phir Wahi Baat !!!!!)
    In this rush world, why I feel I’m alone. ( Bewkufi Hai)
    -----------------By vaishali(Frnd)

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  21. Registan me rah ke acche accche se accha insaan Shayar ban jata hai dost .....
    ek poem maine bhi likhi thi registan me rah ke .... :)

    by @mit(Frnd)

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  22. ______________________________________________________________________
    ___________Why I feel I'm Alone _____________

    All my will has gone,
    In this rush world, why I feel I’m alone.

    I have lost my faith,
    Despite of my breath, why I feel life has become death.

    It’s good to have money,
    It’s good to taste honey, but why I feel my fate made me funny.
    MS: taste honey could be interpretered as has sexual connotation, so if that is what you meant then its find; check the grammar of why I feel my fate made me funny

    Life is short, good relations are few,
    I must say just forget n forgive.
    But why I feel it can’t be achieve


    MS: Lost the ending words similar hearing, and I believe it should be can't be achieved.



    I’m not what I’m any more,
    Certainly life is sweet, but why I feel it has changed into sour.


    MS: Some grammar issue in 2nd line, check and 1st line is very confusing, but if you wanted it that way then its fine

    My priority has changed,
    My own decisions are not being made,
    Despite of having own mind, why I feel I became a puppet.





    I can’t do, what I want to do,
    O god! Why this much ado?
    Why I feel, for any fault there is no undo.


    MS: Totally confusing unless you want it that way also there does not seem to be the flow required in the poem. and i see that sometimes it 2 verse while sometimes its 3 verse.


    The whole milky night is mine,
    In a cozy bed with four foamy pillow,
    Why I feel, that I am not fine.


    MS: Milky night is excellent followed by hackneyed four foamy pillow???
    I neither have exam nor have any test,
    Still could not sleep can’t take rest,
    In this luxurious flat, why I can’t find my nest.
    MS: I liked it for it originality, rhythm and something even a common person can identify it, but should have come earlier not at the peak.

    All my will has gone,
    In this rush world, why I feel I’m alone.
    MS: This is a good finishing end but the poem somehow did not peak for me to feel this is the valid ending. After you get it reviewed and polish it further, and you believe that it has reach a good potential there is a website where you can get reviews from the experts; the website is http://www.zoetrope.com/


    Overall good work for the 1st time attempt!!!

    By Manish Sabnis (Mentor a grt poet.. and one of my best reviewer)

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  23. Hi,

    Realy very nice poem...We dont know why we feel alone even we have all the luxrious things in our life..


    Renuka Mam(My Super senior)

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  24. Nice Try Nirmal,

    Its a good one which really come from the inner heart but i feel that when you write that poem you were in sad mood and bit tensed with your life.....

    but poem is good.

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  25. Good one...each n every line has been written from heart

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  26. nirmal......

    poem is preety good....

    but u know its not only u ....but every software engineer ........will think like
    what is central theam of your poem.....(: (:-

    by amit soni bhaiyya..(navin's bro)

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  27. Nirmal,
    Awesome poem.
    i can understand what you are feeling...
    Well expressed....

    ---by Geetanjali Gupte(My frnd)

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  28. HEY ITZ A REALLY NICE POEM ,,,,,, I KNOW THAT ITS TOUGH TO PUT THE THIGS INTO RYMING WORDS N U HAVE DONE IT REALLY WONDERFULLY.......KEEP DOIN IT.....

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  29. Hey Nirmal,

    Lovely & true poem buddy. At a certain point of time we feel the same wht u have written in your poem. Nice use of words. Keep it up & keep writing. Best of luck

    (Priyanka Kumari)

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  30. It`s really nice poem...
    heart touchable...
    keep it up...
    good luck...

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  31. Dear Nirmal,

    Poem always depicts the way a person is life is moving on. It seems that somebody has not accepted your proposal :-)

    DOnt worry man, move on one day you will find some other girl.

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  32. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  33. Nice poem ....wo kavita kaun hai jiske liye tujhe kavi banana pada .....

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  34. nice poem...best part is many people can relate themselves to it...
    good work...keep it up...

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